EVERYTHING NOW SOLD..

Retailers persuaded Xmas and sale shoppers to buy the last things available in the UK. A spokesman for the Retail Trade Industry said, "we saw it was going to be shit year and so we sold everything over December and now we can fuck off for a while until some new stuff is made.. we call it the santa claus model..". Mr. Fulfoote of Upwey, Dorset who woke up a bit late on Thursday, went into town only to find everything sold. "Everything has been sold.." He said forlornly to himself as tumble weed rolled town Weymouth High St. A solitary figure in Salvation Army uniform appeared briefly, but he was only waiting for the transit to pick him up - which then sped off quickly leaving Mr. Fulfoote wondering what went wrong...